Tartar Sauce

My whole life my mother has detested tartar sauce. Ordering fish at the Weathervane, she always says "Don't bring me ANY tartar sauce." Just the thought of it makes her wrinkle her nose, shake her head from side to side and exclaim, "Bleckkkk!"

So imagine my surprise when we stopped at MacDonald's yesterday for lunch and she opened her fish sandwich and tartar sauce was oozing out. I was about to say, "Oh Mom, so sorry. I forgot to tell them no tartar sauce." But she pulled up the top, looked right at the cream colored gob, and said, "I can't get this piece of fish centered on the bun." No repulsive expletive. Nothing! So I said nothing. Lately she's been eating food she has refused her whole life. I'm not sure, but I wonder if she has forgotten what some foods are.

I helped her get the fish centered on the bun and held my breath as I watched my mother take a huge, tartar-sauce-laden bite. I was certain she would instantly spit it out, make a scene like Tom Hanks spat out caviar in one of my favorite movies, "Big." I was sure she was going to wipe it off her tongue, gagging and spitting, and reaching for her Diet Coke. But no, she just munched it down and returned for more.

"How's your sandwich, Mom?" I couldn't resist.

"It's very good!"

The tartar sauce spilled out as she ate and covered a couple of her fingers. She said, "They sure put a lot of butter on this sandwich!"


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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Prayers Answered

Yesterday, Buck and I were up and on the road in separate cars at 8:00. The day had finally arrived to bring Mom back to us; the day that seemed so long in coming, especially for Mom. My thoughts were filled with gratitude for answered prayer, mine and Mom's.

While driving, a recent memory replayed in my mind of Mom giving me a hug goodbye as we left after a Tuesday visit a couple of months earlier and saying, "Maybe one of these days you'll come and take me outta here!" I had cried too many times driving away from visits up until then, so sorrow had morphed into exasperation at her unwillingness to embrace being at Peaceful Harvest--to make the most of this new chapter of her life. I had implored her to try to make friends. "No one talks to me, Donna. How am I supposed to make some friends?" she would say.

My prayer after each visit was for Mom to adjust to being there and to be thankful she was back in the Connecticut River Valley where she had lived her whole life, near her son and his grandkids. It was my brother's turn to be there for our mother. Her prayer always was to be back with me.
It was the traumatic Peaceful Harvest Maine vacation week that tipped the balance in Mom's favor and I resolved to do whatever I could to get her back close to me. She had been so confused about having been invited along with four other residents to go to a small cottage on a lake in Bridgton, Maine, that she grew increasingly agitated and uncooperative. We finally rescued her on Wednesday of that week and drove her back to Charlestown. Crying silently in the back seat all the way back to Charlestown, I knew we had to figure out something else.

As I left Mom at The Wellstone House yesterday afternoon, my heart swelled with gratitude for answered prayer. As a friend recently pointed out, the time at Peaceful Harvest might have helped pave the way for Mom to embrace Wellstone House more readily than if we had moved her directly there from her apartment in our home.

I slept soundly and woke up today with a joyful heart looking forward to picking Mom up for her 11:30 appointment with her old primary care doctor and hopefully get to the bottom of her six-month long skin condition that has left scars on her face and continues to rage into her hairline and scalp.


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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Countdown Agony

We are T minus 12 hours and it couldn't be more stressful with a flurry of emails from the place Mom is moving to (Wellstone House) and from the place she is moving out of (Peaceful Harvest)! I thought this part would be easy. Peaceful Harvest knows what admission paperwork is required and it seems it should be a simple process of pulling out a file folder, stacking papers in a fax machine, dialing, and letting them rip. Yet, at the 11th hour, no the 12th to be exact, Mom's admission to Wellstone could be in jeopardy because they don't have the state required medical documentation yet. Arrrrrghhh!

Well, we are moving her tomorrow even if it means she spends a couple of nights with us. It is a mystery why this is not yet done. Not to mention, extremely frustrating. But this too shall pass. In short order, Mom will be settled in and we will find a rhythm that works to help Mom feel lovable and loved.

Tonight I'm stressing over the invoice from Peaceful Harvest for the first 15 days of October. I've been told they can't charge a Medicaid patient for days they are not there and I will have to have that difficult conversation tomorrow. Not my favorite thing to do.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Waiting is Over

Mom can move into Wellstone House this week! In fact, the details have been ironed out and we will move her this Thursday, September 27th. I am thrilled and can't wait to have her nearby.

It still amazes me the amount of work it has been to get her qualified for Medicaid. Of course, wanting to move her on the cusp of the approval complicated things. I am amazed as I think back over the process, beginning in July to compile five years' worth of bank statements and cancelled checks by searching through her records, contacting the banks, printing statements and cancelled checks from the bank websites. Pulling together copies of legal documents like Dad's death certificate, her letter about Dad's pension amount she would receive, her Social Security benefits, and health insurance premiums, and on and on. Then to spend five hours photocopying 1,000 pages of documentation which I carried in a Staples crate to meet with the NH DHHS social worker. It's been quite a process.

Soon, Mom will be settled in and we can all take a deep breath and be thankful to God for all of our blessings throughout this process. I recall how Mom loudly prayed as I turned out the light and left her bedroom the last time we had her here for an overnight, "Dear God, here I am at Donna's house again. Oh how I wish I didn't have to go back to that place." It seemed a bit manipulative at the time and I thought how my prayers were contradicting hers when I prayed "Dear God, help my mother accept where she is." So I have to laugh now as I realize how God can take all of our prayers, know our heart's deepest desires, and make it so.


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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Waiting on NH DHHS

At the mercy of faceless bureaucrats can be quite unsettling, I'm finding. The days tick by, September is over in six short days. Mom's money is gone. If the New Hampshire Department of Health & Human Services does not approve Mom's medical evaluation, which was done on September 11th, I'm not really sure what happens. Perhaps we will have to pack her up and move her back to our house. We certainly can't pay to keep her where she is. I know I can trust the big picture to God, that ultimately what is supposed to happen will happen. It would be a whole lot easier though if it would all fall into place! The social worker who processed Mom's Medicaid application tells me to keep bugging the woman in Concord. The nurse who did Mom's medical evaluation tells me to keep bugging her. I've called and left two messages; of course she never answers. So I discovered on the internet a complete list of New Hampshire DHHS employees and their contact information. Now she has two phone messages and an email from me. Is it really true what they say about the squeaky wheel? We will find out!
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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Change Is On The Horizon

As I sit here on the back screen porch on this warm, September afternoon, the warmth of the sun on my face, I know my life is about to change once again. For the past six months, Mom has been two hours away. Phone calls have been the only interruption besides our weekly trip to visit. Within the next 10 to 14 days, we expect we will be moving her to the Wellstone House, 10 miles away in Raymond. Now, I will be on call. Now, I will have to factor Mom back into my life. She won't be across the driveway anymore, but she will be nearby. Several times a week, I will be compelled to visit. I will be back to managing her doctor appointments and being that protective overseer of her care that I've been for nearly a decade. Even though it was nice having a break from it, I look forward to it again simply because I know what it means to Mom. She said so many times over the past nine years, "I'm so glad God gave me my Donna! Whatever would I do without her!" She found out. She wasn't at all happy without me. I'll be happier because I know she will be.
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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States

Where We Are Now

I've been wanting to keep up with this blog, but it's been hard. I recently read an article about iPad apps for blogging and decided to take the leap.
Now, a short recap of where we are with Mom.
In March of this year, my niece Carly sent me a private Facebook message. Peaceful Harvest in Charlestown, NH, an assisted living, where she worked had a bed available. She would love to have her grandmother move in so she could take care of her. We visited, Mom liked it, we moved her in. I had high hopes. Everything went pretty well until Carly quit in June. Mom began to talk about moving back to her apartment every week when we made the 2-hour drive to visit. She would say, "Maybe one of these days you'll come and take me out of this place." I began to ride home in tears each Tuesday.
Then the trip to Maine happened. Mom was confused why she was there. She didn't like it at all. The cottage was small and crowded with two staff and five residents. She had a meltdown that Tuesday evening. We drove up to Bridgton, Maine to get her and took her back to Charlestown.
Long story short, we are in the process of moving her back locally to a 12-bed facility in Raymond called The Wellstone House. Just keeping our fingers crossed that it can happen. We are awaiting a bureaucrat who sits in an office in Concord, NH to sign off on her medical evaluation for the Medicaid and NH CFI approval. She has an appointment on Monday afternoon for Dr. Caloras to give her a physical and prepare her discharge from Peaceful Harvest. So we are getting closer!
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Location:Gile Rd,Nottingham,United States